Regarding analogies

Instead of sleeping last night, I started writing. Most of it is the typical lame drivel that I write when I'm upset because even though it's embarrassing to read later, it makes me feel better when there is no one else to talk to (which is always) and sometimes it keeps me from actually saying things to people and making a bad situation worse. Anyways, I came up with a really delightful analogy comparing friends to unicycles. However I'm not sure what sort of blogging rules there are regarding analogies when they are vaguely related to the only person that reads your blog... It's a tasteful analogy, but analogies tend to seem like you're beating around the bush without saying what you feel. I love my friends, but sometimes I feel like they don't know much about me at all - or want to. But I want to be able to say how I feel so it's not so surprising when I start having emotions other than "happy". Since happy is something I am usually only pretending to be anyways. Lauren usually understands, but her method is to leave me alone. I think someday it might be nice to have someone say "Are you okay?" when I am upset instead of "what the fuck is wrong with you" since of course, I do not know the answer to that.



http://muxtape.com/
MIXTAPES GALORE. I need to peruse this site and find some new music because I've listened to every song I have about 100 million times and it's starting to get boring.

Charming Oswald

Lately I have noticed that there is this boy who is in the same everything as me. I don't know his name yet, so we will call him Oswald. He first garnered my attention in a study group review session for Chemistry where he kept watching me. So of course, I avoided eye contact like my life depended on it. I'm very shy, so when people (guys) pay attention to me I often go out of my way to avoid them.

Until I started noticing him everywhere. Obviously he's in my study group and Chemistry class, but he's also in the same Zoology class as me, has his exams in the same room, etc. Now, because I have Zoology exams at the same time as Chemistry, I have to take my Chemistry exams earlier with about 10 other people including... Oswald.

Avoidance had been working well, until yesterday. I was waiting for the Chemistry exam and listening to a conversation between two boys who had gotten there before me, you know, minding my own business when Oswald walks in and I mentally freak out. I had no idea he was going to be here as well. To my surprise, he walked up to me and started talking to me like we were old friend and... well, it wasn't weird at all. We had a delightful conversation. He seems really sweet and charming, but also a bit goofy which is obviously a must. Plus, he has dark red hair. Awesome.

Unfortunately (maybe not) I am already stuck in one hopeless dead-end crush which takes up an immense amount of pathetic daydreaming time, so I clearly do not have time for another one.

Behold my maternal instincts.

When teenagers use "but it's my body" as an argument to get a tattoo/piercing, the only acceptable response as a parent is "Yeah, well I made it for you. Sit your ass down."

I will be the best mother ever.


In other news: I have obtained the key to the attic in my apartment building. I peeked through the door and saw a tiny stairway with a comically low ceiling, but didn't go any farther yet. It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.

I give and I give and then life kicks me in the face

My dad has basically already decided that he's kicking me out of my apartment. He's asking my opinion on it, but he's already planning on showing it to another tenant who needs a place by July and since our leases end in August and I am his daughter, it's real easy for him to move me on out of there and stick me back at home. His main reason is money: since Lauren is moving out it would be double the cost to keep me there by myself. I appreciate this and I would love to be less of a burden on the wallet but aside from getting a job, which I would have no time for, or finding some roommate off the street to live with me, living at home is my only option. My parents think this will be wonderful; we will make sacrificies but think of the MONEY WE'LL SAVE. I think that this will not work. I believe it is high time for a pro-con list.

Pro: I would have access to a car everyday instead of weekends
Con: I would NOT be able to use said car to drive downtown to class, I would have to a. take the bus b. get dropped off and picked up by my parents or c. learn to fly. My brother, who goes to school practically down the street and can easily be picked up or dropped off, would get the car. In my humble opinion, this is utter bullshit.
Con(cont): If I have to take the bus... here is what will inevitably happen: I'm going to end up not going to class. Often.

Pro: My meals would be prepared for me, I would have a million channels of television, I'll have a sewing machine again, etc, etc
Con: Constant distractions. Living with three other people is also very loud (especially in the basement) and it will be hard to get anything done.

Con: I will have to live in the basement, which will have a door put in so we can pretend it's a bedroom. The walls are brown and the carpet is brown. And did I mention that it's the basement?
Pro: It has a fireplace.

Pro: I love my parent's house.
Con: I love my apartment :(

Con: I will never be able to come and go as I please and I will never be able to skip class without them knowing.

Con: If I go out and come home late, I'll have to be super quiet and they will know exactly what time it is

Con: I won't be able to have people over even if I wanted to

Con: I'll have to do chores for four people instead of one.

Pro: They will have more money to spend on meeeee
Con: They probably won't

Pro: I will have company when I am feeling sad
Con: I'll always have to be around three other people at times when I prefer to be alone

Con: Most of the cons haven't been too bad, but this one is a serious issue and may be the only reason I don't want to move back home. My dad has a horrible raging temper. He always has, but once I left the house and came back only on weekends I didn't have to deal with it anymore. But EVERY WEEKEND there is always a fight. Screaming, yelling, throwing things, stomping around the house and they last forever. These always revolve around my brother, but I know if I come back I will not only have to cringe through those but they will start being about me as well. I'm not sure if I can deal with this. :|

In summation, I love being at home on weekends (moderation is key) but I've had a taste of freedom and I need to SPREAD MY WINGS.

Must... resist... urge... to drop...

It is almost exam time and that means.... THAT'S RIGHT! It means it's time for me to start thinking about what my grade will be if I fail an exam. Trigonometry will be the death of me. I was super good at it in high school. I got a ridiculously high grade in the class... like a 98% or something. And somehow, I never even remember learning these things. Are they creating new mathematical formulas and slipping them into the curriculum?

Anyways, last exam I left the test room thinking I had failed and after a week of depressing and wallowing we got the tests back and I magically received an astounding 99 points out of 120 with the average being somewhere around 61. I don't know how this happened, but I don't see it happening again.

So, short story long, I will need to justify my bombing this next one by 1. remembering I did good on the first and 2. committing myself completely to doing well on the next ones. And that is how I do college.

Couch =/= Bed

Sleep, sleep, sleep. Why can't I do it.

Did you know dolphins could DO this?

Never in my life have I desired to be a dolphin, UNTIL NOW.


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